Sometimes I think about life so much that I stop living it.
Sometimes I stop writing for months.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and get dressed. I draw stars and vines on my cheeks with eyeliner and lipliner. I curl my hair, line my eyes with ink, pull on a dress and heels, spray a puff of perfume, and open my window. I recite "The Raven" to the stars.
Sometimes I don't wear make-up for weeks. Sometimes I spend hours primping and prettifying.
Sometimes when I look in a stranger's eyes I can see them, really understand them, their flaming desires, their laughter, their shame, the texture of their soul. Sometimes a stranger stares at me and I know they can see me. Both terrify me.
Sometimes I write on myself. Yesterday I copied Isaiah 35 across my whole body with a sharpie.
Sometimes when I walk through stores all the advertisements chatter chatter chatter and the stuff seems cheap and peeling and worthless. All my beautiful juicy words are on display, marvelous! and fabulous! up for sale like common adjectives, pasted on plastic plates and 5% off stickers. I feel sick to my stomach.
Sometimes when I walk through stores every item is electric with magic, humming with possibilities. A flick of eyeliner would make me a princess, a pair of boots would make me a fashionista, so many identities packaged neatly and gleaming on the shelves. Be a traveler! Be an artist! Be a woman! Marvelous, fabulous, $9.99.
Sometimes I want to sleep forever. Sometimes I never want to sleep again.
Sometimes I'm talking and fire is in my belly and I'm alive and I know what I'm saying and I've never said it better and my ideas are finding bodies and twirling prettily on my tongue, and when I look at the recipient of my brilliance, they are frozen and very, very concerned.
Sometimes I want to change the world.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy.
Sometimes I eat too many truffles.
Sometimes I can't stop laughing.
Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I can't.
Sometimes I'm in love.
Always I am surrounded, swollen, convicted, bundled, adored, tripledogdared, cherished, watched, broken, and humbled by Jesus.